Alright boys and girls, marketing majors and bean counters, we are back after the infamous parking debacle and here to discuss another major part of your university experience: Social networking sites.
Social networking sites are the equivalent of tiny dogs that people put sweaters on. One person said it was cute, the dog is completely embarrassed, other people are embarrassed for the dog, it’s just a destructive cycle. Dogs don’t need sweaters they have coats of fur. And we don’t need these sites; we have cell phones, meeting places and good old fashioned conversations.
What have these sites accomplished? This first thing they have done is changed the way the opposite sex communicates with each other. Awkward face to face meetings are becoming more common simply because this generation has not learned the proper communication skills to interact. Social networking sites have abolished the need and ability for people to acquire proper social skills. A person can take 2 hours to think of a witty response, while unbeknownst to the readers they really have no wit at all. Conversely, you can’t fake very much in a real conversation; you either learn to be charming, polite and witty, or you become the smile and nod type. Both work, and both are acceptable by me because they are truthful! Not full of lies and deceit like the topic at hand.
Some may say romance and dating have become easier with social networking sites. My hero Van Wilder once said “Gwen, first dates are interviews” and I couldn’t agree more. But what has it become now? You log on to read a profile and BOOM first date over. You now know their favorite movies, you know their likes and dislikes and their funny quirks like how they love dressing dogs in little sweaters…I really can’t get over how ridiculous they are.
These sites can also be detrimental to future employment. In business school most of us strive to get a job after graduation. But how are we supposed to get a job when the person hiring can simply go online and see a giant picture of you beer bonging and giving “the man” the middle finger? There are less than two degrees of separation in this city, and even if your profile is private and blocked, there is a chance the person hiring knows one of your friends and can ask to see your profile that way. Scary stuff.
Then there is the family. Why is your mom your friend? Why do you want her seeing the picture of you making out with that thing that looks like some kind of inflatable donkey? That is not good, and if she thinks it is funny, you may have bigger family issues on your plate.
Finally, this brings us to tweets and status updates. Twitter lets crazed fans stalk their favorite celebrities’ every move, tying up 911 because Perez Hilton got beat up. Then there are personal tweets by regular people. Why do I need to know you are relaxing by the pool? Are you seriously that bored you had to tweet about it? Or how about my favorite “it’s going to be a great night tonight! Whoo!” Why the “Whoo”? Simply put, guys you are going to try to hit on every girl you see. And girls, you’re going to tell every guy in the club you have a boyfriend. And then you are going to get a street vendor hot dog. Well yes that is awesome. Especially the hot dog. But guess what, instead of tweeting about it I’m there already. Three steps ahead of you.
Oh by the way, Marissa I didn’t forget to call I just lost my phone. Wait! Hold the presses, I’ve figured out one thing these sites are great for. Getting the 250 phone numbers back into my new phone! I’m going to call you all soon to have a real conversation. I promise… Look! A dog wearing a sweater, come here Fido.
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